Hair do's, Hair don'ts
by BTRHortenseWINS
Summary: James hates having the same hairstyle as Kendall, so he decides to create a new look for himself. But...what if his new hairstyle makes him ugly? What if everyone starts hating him for not being pretty anymore? What if they kill him? James faces an existential crisis; can he still be the most awesomest person in existence with his new, short hair?


_**Note: This story takes place at the end of season 2.**_

* * *

"Short on the sides...no bangs, but leave it long in the front." I said, squirming in my seat. The hair stylist walked to my side, putting a drape across my shoulders to make sure the hair she cuts doesn't fall onto my clothing. The drape was gaudy; it had a green leopard print design with streaks of silver running through it.

"Getting rid of your bangs, huh?" The hair stylist said in return. My heart raced when I saw her pick up a pair of scissors. "Now, I've seen you before. My daughter _loves_ your music. I took her to a concert of yours last month in Concord."

The stylist put her foot on a pedal underneath my chair, causing me to rise a few inches higher off the ground. My hands, hidden under the drape, gripped the armrests.

I decided that I needed to say something in reply. Something cool and witty, because that's how I am. I'm James Diamond, the coolest and wittiest person in the universe.

"Uh, um...yeah. C-Concord's...great!"

Yep. Cool and witty.

The stylist sprayed a mist onto my hair, combing it free of any tangles. She spoke again, "...Correct me if I'm wrong, but you've had these bangs for years, right?"

"Yeah, I had them even before the band started, but...uh, my bandmate has a similar hairstyle now, so...um..." I cut off as the stylist put her comb back down. I watched her bring her scissors closer and closer to my scalp. Only a few seconds passed before I heard my first _snip_. I watched in agony as a lock of brunette hair fell towards the floor.

The stylist either ignored or didn't notice my inner turmoil and agony, and just kept talking. "Oh, riiight! You and the blond guy both have the same hair! The "Bieber Look", as I call it!" She said, giggling. Why was she giggling? She needs to focus on my hair...my glorious, beautiful hair...instead of talking! I watched in terror as she continued to snip away at my very being with her scissors.

"Now, don't tell me the blond guy's name." She said as my hair grew shorter and shorter, "I think I know this one...K-something. K...Kenneth?" She sniped dangerously close to my ear. "No, wait...Kevin? Kent?"

I stopped listening to the stylist's rambling list of names that started with the letter K, and instead focused my attention in the mirror. My hair was growing shorter and shorter, and soon my bangs will be gone as well.

I've basically had the same hairstyle for years, and bangs for all my life. And in a few minutes, they'll be gone. No longer shall Kendall and I be compared as "those two tall guys with the same hair". I'll have my own unique hairstyle, and it'll be short. Short was in this year. I'll look great. James Diamond always looks great! I'm not nervous.

Maybe I should stop putting a death-grip the armrests before I break them off the chair.

...I don't blame Kendall for copying my hairstyle; he tends to copy me a lot. When I became tall, he became tall. When I was born on September the 4th, he was born on October the 4th. When I crashed Mrs. Knight's car into a tree and broke my arm, he broke his arm as well.

Obviously, I'm his role model. I'm a lot of people's role models, actually. Everyone looks up to me, and everyone adores me. Kendall and I share many things, and I'm fine with that, for the most part.

But the thing is, sharing the hairstyle of your band member just isn't cool. And I should know; I'm the dictionary's definition of 'cool'. Well, I'm Logan's dictionary's definition of 'cool', anyways. Last week, I took his dictionary and pasted a copy of my picture over that book's definition of the word 'cool'. I also glued my picture onto the definition of the words 'awesome', 'amazing', 'beautiful', 'pretty', and 'epic'. I would've done more, but Logan caught me and threw me out of his room. He probably just couldn't handle my coolness factor, which was understandable. I'm much more awesome than everyone in the band.

...But will I still be as awesome after my hair's been cut?

The stylist had abandoned her scissors in favor of a razor. My bangs were still there, though.

This new hairstyle was a drastic change for me. What if it comes out horrible? I'd be the laughing-stock of the entire band. Mrs. Knight would kick me out of the apartment in disgust, forcing me to live my life on the streets. Katie would probably mock me for my awful hair, and throw me off a cliff.

Carlos, one of my best friends, would turn his back on me! He'd ignore me and my horrible new hair. Or, maybe he wouldn't ignore me at first. No, he'd throw a giant party and invite everyone at the Palm Woods to make fun of my new look. Logan would sit in the corner at that party with charts and graphs to explain how totally lame I now was and how they're going to replace me with a guy they bought from England. At the end of the party, Kendall would go on stage and give a speech about how uncool and not-pretty I was.

No...no! I couldn't do this! I saw the stylist put her razor down and reach for the scissors once more. She was going to cut my bangs. My beautiful brown bangs that I've had since Kindergarten. I was filled with regret; I suddenly didn't care about the fact that Kendall and I had the same hairstyle, I _couldn't _go through with this! If my bangs getting cut resulted in a bad hairstyle, I'll get thrown out of the band for sure.

I looked at myself in the mirror. The stylist had a few locks of my bangs in her grasp, gingerly holding onto it with one hand as she held her scissors in another. I opened my mouth to call out to her, to tell her to stop, when-

_Snip_

It was too late.

I watched in horror as front locks were taken away from me, falling to the ground.

"Hold your head up, sweetie. My daughter would kill me if she found out I ruined your hair!"

I straightened up, succumbing to my fate. My fate of horrible hair, that is. Soon, everyone from my friends to this lady's daughter will hate me. I won't be beautiful anymore. And if I'm not beautiful, no one will like me.

It wasn't long before she finished, taking the drape off of me and brushing away any stray hairs. She brought out a small case of hair gel, putting it on the counter. "This is what you wanted, right? To spike up the front of your hair?"

I sighed. "Yeah, _Men's Fashion_ magazine said that the spiked-hair look was in." She nodded, dabbing her fingers with some gel.

She began to explain how to use the gel properly. I was supposed to use as little as possible, to make the spiked hair seem natural. I was only half listening, though. The sooner she finishes, the sooner I get out of there and spend the rest of my life as an ugly-hair'd weirdo.

A few minutes later, she was done. She told me to look in the mirror, and I did, scrutinizing my new look.

It was short all around, though not as short as Carlos's close-to-bald head. The front was spiked up, just as I wanted. Or, at least, thought I wanted until a short while ago. I felt nauseated; I shouldn't have done this. No one's gonna like it, I'm sure.

The stylist was waiting for me to speak, though. I put on a smile and said "It's great! Just as I wanted."

The lady then walked me to the front desk, and rang up a bill for both the cut and the gel. Before I left, she had me sign an autograph for her daughter, and take a picture as well. I felt bad; her daughter will probably throw that autograph out once she sees my new horrible, horrible hair.

I quickly made my way back to the Palm Woods, hoping no one would recognize me as I made my way back up to my room. Hopefully, I could spend at least one final night in my bed before I get kicked out.

I snuck past the lobby and up the stairs, running up two stories in less than a minute. Alright, the coast was clear. I just needed to sneak into the apartment, and-

"Hey, buddy!"

I gasped in shock. Carlos now occupied a previously-empty space beside me. I wasn't even going to question how he got there. Instead, I braced myself for the inevitable onslaught of hatred from when he sees my new-

"Nice hair."

Wait, _what!?_

"Wait, _what!?_" I said, the words falling out of my mouth. "You like my hair?"

Carlos shrugged. "Um, I guess? I don't really care about hair for the most part, which is why I shaved most of mine off!" He said, pointing to his head. He smiled, "But yours looks pretty cool!"

"Really?" I stammered, looking at him. "You're saying I'm not hideous? You're not going to throw a party celebrating my awful hair and throw tomatoes at me?"

"Uhh...no..." He replied, taking a step back. "I know you always go a little crazy during haircuts, but-"

I cut him off, "My hair is good, right? You and the others aren't going to disown me and throw me into tank full of sharks? You think I'm still pretty?"

"Um...yes it is, no we won't, and I'm not answering that...You look just fine, you aren't ugly." He said, "And even if you were ugly, none of us will kill you do to it."

"You won't?" I asked in disbelief.

Carlos nodded, "Yeah, that'd be stupid. None of us are going to abandon you if you turn ugly. Besides, I think killing might be illegal, so..."

"Oh, that's great!" I said, grinning. "So, even if I managed to get the worse hairstyle in the history of the universe, you'll still be my friend!? That's _great_ to know."

"What are you talking about?" Carlos questioned, "We have this same exact conversation every time you do something new to your hair!"

I completely ignored him. "You know what, Carlos? I've learned a valuable lesson today. The lesson being that, no matter what I do, I'll still be 100% awesome!"

"Yeah, you say that, like, _everyday_."

"And, best of all, Kendall and I don't share the same hairstyle anymore! Nope, from now on, my hair is unique."

Carlos scoffed, "Then why does your hair look like Logan's?"

"_What_."

Kendall and Logan suddenly appeared around the corner, walking in our direction.

"Hey, nice hair! I guess I'll be the only one with a 'Bieber Cut' from now on." Kendall said amiably as they reached us, but then narrowed his eyes and added, "But I'm thinking of getting my hair cut soon..."

Logan took one good look at my hair and smiled, "Hey, we both have spiked hair!" He said excitedly, "Oh, but mine's bigger. Yep, mine's the result of _years_ of non-stop spiking."

Kendall put his hand on his chin, thinking out loud, "Spiked hair seems fun..."

No...no...this can't be happening...

My hair..._wasn't_ unique? How could that be!? My magazine said that the 'short but spiked' look was in. Logan's hairstyle...was in? Logan has fashion sense?

My brain felt fried. Around me, conversations were going. Carlos was talking about lunch, while Kendall was telling Logan about how he wanted a spiked hairstyle as well.

There was nothing else to do but faint.

* * *

"Uh...James? Jaaaames? Are you okay?" Carlos said, kicking the unconscious body that was laying on the floor.

Kendall groaned, "Does he have to faint after _every_ visit to the salon? Now we have to drag him back to the apartment."

"Yeah, we _could _carry him down this hall and back into our apartment...or we could just leave him here."

"Logan!" Kendall reprimanded, "We can't leave just him here! Someone might trip."

Carlos agreed, "Yeah, if someone trips, we might get sushi'd."

"You mean _sued_, Carlos." Logan replied. "But I guess you guys are right."

The boys then halfway carried/halfway dragged James back to the apartment, dumping him on the floor near the front entrance before scampering off.

James didn't even wake up until a few hours later. There was a girlish yelp as he felt someone trip over him and a _thud _as that person hit the ground.

He sat up, looking at Katie, who was on the ground next to him. She looked at him in anger. "Seriously James?" She said, standing up briskly. "Do I have to trip over your unconscious self every single time you come back from the salon?"

James grinned sheepishly, "I probably care about my hair too much." He said, "But I'm still awesome, right?"

Katie rolled her eyes and walked off. James jumped up, pulling out his portable mirror to check the status of his hair. It looked perfect.

"Yeah, I'm still awesome."

**The End**

* * *

**Yes, I know that I should have written another chapter of Big Time Super Villains instead. But I didn't. I wrote this.**

**This was a tale of how James got his new Logan-like spiked hair. So very Logan. Kendall got his Logan-like spiked hair just shortly after. I guess Logan really is the most fashionable person in the band after all.**

**Thanks for reading; please review!**


End file.
